Aharr me hearties these be me spunky pantaloons

Well knock me down with a feather. I had NO IDEA that I needed pirate underpants in my life until I just this very minute got a pair in the post. How on earth have I survived till now without them?? Seriously, I was so excited I held them up and made them do a little jiggly dance. Speaking of which, at least now when I dance on the boardroom table* in my knickers it will be a funky affair, not featuring any of those daggy end-of-the-wash-cycle faded black ones with the dingy elastic, or worse still the lilac ones grandma gave me last Christmas.

Perhaps these could even be my new (theoretically, abstractly, symbolically speaking) scoring knickers?

*Not actually planning on doing this, natch. Unless a lot of red wine and a wager is involved and someone else suggests it first. Metaphore for life's risks etc.