Sleep and waffle

Oh this morning I woke up feeling so happy, so deeply rested. You know that feeling after a really great shag where you then snooze reallly reallly deeply, even just for a few minutes and then wake up smiling? Well it wasn't that, but was like that. I think it was just that I had 8 hours sleep! Yah! What a great change. (See earlier posts for the commute details and hence my crappy 6 hour sleep regime). Sleep is so great - what a cheap way to feel fantastic!

On feeling fantastic, just wanted to share a recent realisation. You know when people say 'God bless you'? Like those old ladies who hand pat at the station after telling you about their past, their foolish husband, or their old fears and predicaments, and feel so grateful for an ear that they give you a watery eyed 'God bless you'; or the older Russian coffee shop owner who thinks you're a 'good girl' and gives you a special parting God Bless You wink, like you're all in on some rosy cheeked Russian reality which is different to this grubby central city reality, like you are both somehow attached to a boundless farmland where angels are more present? And you know how when you're feeling shitty you think 'Oh stuff your stupid outmoded religosity, oh as if I beleive in a big God in the sky, oh you old people and your tatty worn out religion'...but when you feel happpy you think 'Thankyou. Thankyou for wishing me well, and telling me that you care about me.' Well in recent years I have embraced the latter. Now when people say 'Jesus loves you' to me at bus stops (public transport nodes apparently hot spots for spiritual love. Does God love public transport extra much?) I just spontaneously say 'does he? oh good' and mean it. I just say thankyou to the GBY and sometimes 'and you!' (where I mean 'and may you also be happy! May you also know that I care about you and wish you well!). I don't get so het up about the words anymore, I just try to respond to the feelings that they span. Even feel ok about singing the screamingly religious words of the gospel tunes at choir (oops, when I remember to go). I sing about Jesus and trains and wells and going to the water, and I think of the words as just metaphore - one style of metaphore for the pain and joy of existence, and a sense of belonging and being of the same stuff as the universe itself. Gospel uses God words, the Sufis refer to the Beloved, Zen presents the universe itself (and us as part of that)as the mystery, other people have hosts of deities to embody the outrageous extremes of human character and potential, and I love them all. All like a kaleidescope, each one a view through the lens of a particular pattern of chrystal seen through the light - give the tube a twist and there is a new pattern. No one pattern 'is' the kaleidescope, but each one is beautiful in its own right.

(And yeah, take it as given that I *know* that people do crap things in the name of religion. I know, know, know that. But as I see it, people do crap things in the name of whatever they can get their hands on - if people are fuelled by hate, or fear, or ego, or envy or scarcity thinking, or whatever, there is usually some handy theory, banner, philosophy or world view that you can drape over your shoulders to justify how you want to be. So if God (aka their version of what God is/approves of) doesn't give them permission to behave how they want to behave, there will always be nation building, Science, the Market, Psychology, Tradition, Convention etc to use as justification. And conversely, if someone tries to be kind and full of compassion and need to attach this to a theoretical construct they could use humanism, utilitarian ethics, good manners, enlightened self interest, religion...whatever. I think my point, if I actually have one here, is just that I don't now immmediately make conclusions about the intent of the expression from the form of expression ... if that makes sense.)

Shit. Waffling. Gawdblessya!