a space

Golly blogger is so forgiving isn't it? Holding a space in - well, space - for you to think in, write in, share in. Today is a quietish, coldish kind of a day. A scamper to the toilet because you've drunk too much tea kind of a day. A 'can't I just knit on the sofa?' kind of a day. A soup and stewed fruit kind of a day. And it's a long weekend (which doesn't mean much to me because I don't work Mondays), but still, the idea is nice.

I have done some knitting, a glorious mossy moss green scarf made from alpacca fluff, yarned up, and now knitted up with quick sharp light metal needles in a size tinier than I have ever used. It's so light, and textured, I love it. And will love it more when it's long enough to wrap around me in winter. Couch, knitting, Grand Designs and a cup of tea - a glorious way to whittle some moments from the fat of the day.

Its been a weekend of making things, projects. Projects real and imagined, projects talked about but not started, projects you enjoy doing and those you enjoy imagining done or imagine you enjoy doing - very different beasts. I imagine I enjoy finishing publications for work, but don't. I imagine I enjoy long term projects with delayed gratification and gradual completion - but I don't. I am a quick fix addict, a 'show me the fruits or I will not labour' kind of project-or. And this weekend featured long meandering talks with my betrothed about our different relationship to projects - the projects I want done, that he wants to enjoy and linger over, the projects I want to abandon half done to do something else, that he can see the benefit in me seeing through. It's telling, about of each of us don't you think, this, our relationships with the idea of and plan of doing things.

Projects I currently feel guilt about not doing/ doing more of/ doing right now:
- all work things
- getting ready to do my tax
- finally getting rid of those dusty boxes of Goddess knows what under my bed
- sorting my budget
- seeing a therapist to help get over old family stuff
- becoming a calmer/ gentler more spiritually developed person
- meditating/ yoga/ some kind of good for me natural therapy


Projects I want magically done but don't want to do:
- my tax
- getting those leaves in the green bin today, in the rain
- sorting out my regrowth and eyebrows and hairy wintery legs
- a giant cupboard clean out with fresh new cups and dinner set to put in there, and the pantry sorted so there are only plastic containers that have lids (and no feeling sorry for the lidless ones and sneaking them back in in case their lids show up)


Projects I feel I could happily do all week if they were on shuffle through the ipod of my day:
- making shapes out of sculpy ready to make molds and cast them in resin
- knitting
- making soup
- picking flowers out of the garden
- doing my [weight loss / healthy eating plan brand name here] food planning and tracking
- reading library books on vintage costume jewellry and wardrobe refreshing and macrobiotic cooking
- mending clothes and earrings that have been in the broken box for aeons

Projects I think I want to do but am not really sure I would even if I had the opportunity:
- learn to paint in oils and do a series of portraits on all my favourite people from history and win the archibald prize
- start a business doing some wacky workshops or consulting to business on how to do something or other better
- become an art therapist and qualified facilitator and career coach and nutritionist and feng shui consultant

Do we really know what we want? Does what we say we want tell us more than what we actually do?

What do we do to chase pleasure and what do we do to avoid pain?

What drives us to do anything much at all?

How do we feel when projects are unfinished?

I am currently avoiding a very specific project that involves very detailed word and idea crafting, and it's about as appealing as the tax and dusty boxes.

Wish me luck.