Am I a Laura Ashley floral house dress?

So. I was updating my profile on a website - for a kind of art project thingo, and realised that I'd accidentally been earnest and chatty on a site where no one else was! I skimmed through a few other profiles and realised that where I had been cheery, descriptive, and honest, others were going for very brief, stylish, nihilistic, flippant. Fuck! (I thought). This was the online equivalent of turning up to someone's wedding in a blowsy floral ankle length house dress and finding everyone else in very stylin' cocktail frocks. If you know what I mean. It's a self representation dress code, and I fear that actually, I often come in under the mark on edgy, and would be freely and frequently relegated to the earnest table. When did I become earnest? Am I earnest? Earnest and cheery isn't cool. Brief is cool. Random is cool. Fuck it. And not caring is cool. But I care that I don't care, which isn't cool. What if you didn't care that you did care - is that cool? Am I having a monologue here that sounds like it should be from a bad sitcom? Very possibly. And is that cool? Or would it be if I wrote it more edgy, like, with spikey writerly heels.
I don't want to be virtually earnest! I want my online me to be edgy and mysterious and brooding and glamorous. Huh maybe we can design the world's first online image consultants - how to write a profile like you are edgy. whaddyareckon??