oh how ironic

'oh how ironic' is a phrase that mermaidgrrl and I would use *ironically* for many years after an exlover of mine used it to describe something that wasn't reallly ironic at all. Sorry, this isn't funny for you without the backstory, but it is for me.

Anyway. Ironic. Yes, been reading about perfectionism. Stumbled across a really interesting psychology thesis about perfectionism and the workplce - whether there are adaptive and maladaptive types of perfectionism. I am finding the description of all the dioferent conceptualisations and measures of perfectionism fascinating. I especially am enjoying linking up the stuff I've read on a zillion other isms, or developmental psychology, theory of type, attachment theory, etc, and adding this new dimension to it. But, the ironic thing is what a perfectionist I am about my reading on the topic - my thinking goes like this 'well I'm clearly not a perfectionist because I'm crap at lots of things, in fact I rarely get to do anything to the standard that I'd really like to, that I would consider, you know, actually close to perfect' (oh ho ho - a classic trait of someone with perfectionist leanings). And at the same time ' hmm, this thesis is really interesting but what would be better is if I could read these other texts referenced and really get across the thinking and link this with the bodies of work on X and Y and then write an interesting article on Z. Why oh why wont my workplace understand that I need to do that this week, instead of edit reports and do all the stuff I said I'd do; and when will I be given the time and space to do things properly to a depth I find satisfying and meaningful, but at the same time given support so I don't find the whole prospect of fucking up so damned terrifying'. Ahem.

I think it is an interesting concept, but not in it's two-dimensional 'I heard about it on dr Phil and those people are awful' type embodiment. As a frame for getting a handle on what shapes people's expectations, the very subjective nature of acheivement, and for understanding the role of anxiety in shaping people's responses I think it's really interesting. I might even give a quick litttle summary when I've finished reading it, for anyone who's interested.