Just as an aside, it turns out my 'tummy bug' of a month or so ago has returned. Very distinctive symptoms that made me go...hmmm, this seems to be exactly what I had before. I never thought I would be doing a poo related web search before. Lucky I did! I did some reading and it turns out (from my self diagnosis) that I have amoebic dysentry. Which can linger and linger and result in all sorts of nasty permanent damage to your internal organs. Nice! So after reading that and being almost 100% sure that the symptoms lined up perfectly with what I have, I scooted off to the 'clinic' in our building.

Well, wasn't that an experience! The dr was all excited about me being western and wanted to talk about whether I had Irish ancestry as crones disease is particularly common on the west coast of Ireland and maybe just maybe I have that. I had to politely but firmly steer him back into the land of the likely and tell him all sorts of grusome details about my ahem, movements, to convince him that perhaps a bout of travellers die-oh-rear was more likely. Idiot.

But, not wanting to be totally arrogant in my 'I read it on the internet it must be true' self diagnosis I said

"Maybe we should take a sample just to be sure?"

(thinking, especially if you think I have fucking crone's disease). To which he screwed up his face like a little kid and said

"oh no, I never really take samples. You know you have to fish some out and get it in the container. And then you have to carry it around and bring it in. It's not very nice"

Uh huh. Mmmm. OK.

I sat there a little stunned thinking 'So what you're saying is that you'd rather misdiagnose me than have me take a stool sample, is that it?' And also wondering how the fuck this guy deals with medical practice in general - 'oh you know we could operate to remove the tumour, but you know what, it's not very nice, you have to wear a silly gown and your bottom sticks out the back.It's not very flattering. I rarely do it. '

Anyway, in the end he prescribed me tablets and we agreed that if they hadn't worked their magic in 5 days we'd (screw up face again) resort to taking a sample.

When I walked out to the counter and was given a packet of tablets loose in a white zip lock plastic bag with my name and the doseage written on it, I thought 'what am I - at the vets?'. No information on the actual medication - what it does, side effects to look out for or the Doctor's name, prescription number. Hmmm very confidence inspiring*.

And at first he told me to take 2 tablets, 4 times a day, 8 hourly. I tried to work out at what times of day that would be and then looked at him, frowning, thinking 'there are only 24 hours in a day.. 4 lots of 8 is 32..??'. He must have reached the same conclusion, so wisked the bag back from me saying "oh, 8 hourly, aaah, must be 3 times a day, let me change that for you"

I left with my lolly bag of horsetablets, shaking my head.

*I'm only taking them because what he prescribed me matched what I read about online.