Fancy a flick?

A discussion over lunch the other day about the actor Owen Wilson lead me to ask if anyone had seen Zoolander. Someone casually replied that it was banned in Malaysia. I almost choked on my noodles. "Banned? Why?". I was thinking, god was there some outrageously violent scenes that I had somehow forgotten? "It was banned because the story has something about an assassination of a Malaysian Prime Minister". I thought for a minute and then remembered, yes, it did. Some tiny little farcical reference framed in the context of the main characters being in involved in helping to prevent it (if I remember rightly). This led to a broader discussion as I incredulously asked what other recent movies had been banned.

Here is the list I have cobbled together based on hearsay and web research of media articles (it might look like a pisstake but I assure you, it's for real).
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So, without further ado, the movies that have been banned in Malaysia recently (drum roll), oops can someone help me with this little brown envelope, my sequined dress is getting in the way, ok here we have it, the winners are:
- Zoolander (no, not for crimes against fashion [flash colgate smile and sweep hair out of eyes] but because it could incite political violence...ooooh)
- Underworld (ooh no one knows why, this one is a bit of a dark horse)
- Babe 1 and 2 (aaah, this is cute and off-beat, because eating pork is haram, therefore a movie about talking pigs is no go)
- The Hours (oh yes a classic favourite with censors, women kissing!)
- Daredevil (too violent, and it has the word devil in the title, terribly subversive, oh yes that's a clear winner)
- Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me (too much sexual innuendo...)
- Steven Spielberg's animated epic the Prince of Egypt (tackles religion, bless it)
- two episode of US sitcom Friends (ah, a very strong contender, the judges awarded this one obn three counts: premarital sex, promiscuity and having children out of wedlock)


Here are some quotes from the judges now:

Malaysia's Deputy Prime Minister (now PM) said in 2003 that films were only banned if they contained "excessive violence and sexual material or elements which can create chaos in the community".

"In order for us to instill good morals and values in our people, we have to stop importing films that are not appropriate for our country," Board chairman Shaari Mohamad Noor comment.

"It might spark off some religious disagreement in this country," Film Censorship Board spokeswoman Kathy Kok said, explaining the board's decision to bar a general release (of the Passion of Christ)

A scene in "Ally McBeal" which depicts a man sucking the big toe of a woman in an office was considered by the board to show "unnatural sexual acts: the licking of toes and wrists," the Associated Press reports the censors said.

And the prizewinners get:
Possession, distribution or the sale of banned titles in any form in Malaysia is punishable by a maximum 30,000 ringgit (£5,200) fine and three years in jail.

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And yes censorship is a prickly issue, and yes any censorship is by nature subjective and based on some (supposedly representative and obviously relative) view of moral standards. So if I accept any system of artistic and literary censorship I am accepting the possibility that the system could be used to reinforce beliefs and uphold 'moral standards' that I don't hold. As the majority wishes it so it shall be. Right?

You'll be amazed to hear that despite all this proliferation of wholesome asian values and the forcible stemming of the evil tide of western sex and violence and general moral decriptitude, that crime of all sorts still happens in Malaysia. All the time, in bloody, desperate, deliberate acts of brutality. The fear of violence is a constant whir, keeping our doors barred, our car doors locked, our suburbs gated and our allegiances with powerful people well tended. Eat or be eaten.