Sunday piece of quiet

Oh I worry too much! The weekend is panning out just fine. Caught up with 2 little friends Friday night, went out for a drink at one of the City's many art deco nice tiles style, middle of the city-style, filled with loud suits unwinding, shaven headed bar man who looks like he could be an organised crimester or a personal trainer, or a divorced dad of a 3 year old who'd give all the day care attendants a little thrill as he drops her off 2 days a week and applies his gruff attention and steely gaze to them for fleeting minutes and they admire his strong dexterous hands unhook mini back packs and make the blue pen loook small as he signs at the front desk. Yes, we went there. And despite my angst at disengaging from the working week a few hours earlier than I would have otherwise, I enjoyed it thoroughly. Got absolutely tipsy and verbose after just two drinks, and enjoyed one of those frank 'hey, does everyone think this? do this?' kind of conversations which are illuminating and unexpectedly raw and real feeling. Am very much enjoying the company of people who you can be 'real' with at the moment, where the clamber for cool just aint there, and there is no life one upman/womanship going on. People with whom I can be messy and in progress, and unsure and silly and contradictory, and that's ok. (I think all of my close friends fit into this kind of basket, and anyone reading this is probably potentially-virtually in that category, but there are people who I see socially who are extended contacts in old networks of work friends, and stuff like that, where I feel far more inhibited around, feel like some crucial point of getting to know each other hasn't happpened, and therefore we are moer restrained, more polite, less honest, more strained). I guess there's a philosophical question there about what makes a friend and how compatability is generated or realised - can we become intimate close friends with anyone - is it the sharing of intimacies that creates intimacy, or do we need to find 'the right type of people', 'people we hit it off with uniquely' to create great friends? I like the 'come one come all' theory myself, but in practice it's at least easier with people you hit it off with quickly and or who have similar values and experiences. The people I caught up with Friday night are both quite self reflective people, who read, are interested in what makes people tick, the arts, questioning what kinds of lives they want to lead, and admit their shortcomings and challenges and are good at letting you know that you're OK as is, and are fun - all of which makes friendship very easy feeling and very rewarding. I think those are the kinds of qualities I really appreciate in all my close friendships - being able to be really silly and fun, being able to be really serious, being able to share the crap, and knowing that the liking of each other will weather all of that.

Oops, better hurry this along, was meant to be a quick snapshot of the terrain from the sky, not a rambling tracing of the curve of each river and a snifff at what the leaf letter smells like.

Yesterday I went to yoga and enjoyed stretching out my lower back and challenging my uppper body to suport all of me (ah! upper body strength, ooh, poor wimpy arms), then had a mild wig out about the social event I had planned later in the day, and almost cancelled, but instead just arranged to meet up later. I wont go into it here because it's a very big meander, but in summary, I just suddenly felt like I didn't have the psychological reserves to muster up the slightly more glossy, worldly, apartment-buying, label-wearing, light-chit-chat-making, love-life-explaining(/defending), holiday-plan-expounding persona required for the event. This was particularly influenced by the presence of one person there who seems so unshaking in his approach to life, and by whose standards I guess I'm not much of a success, and suddenly, I just couldn't bear going, but at the same time really wanted to see the others, so compromised, bought myself some time to get a better attitude, then went. Which was great, because the other person had left by then. Admittedly it all would have been easier if I'd been able to fabricate some plausible reason for not having been able to make it earlier, but I couldn't lie, and neither did I feel comfortable telling the truth (aah, you see, I had a crisis of confidence, because I'm aware that my approach to life and yours is slightly different, and I think mine is valid too, but I'm not very good at having a strong sense of self in the presence of others, and you know, I just didn't feel like being judged, so I had to positive self-talk myself into coming, and that took some time), and it made me reflect once again on how understanding we are of things in the physical world posing challenges to our daily activities (ooh the traffic darling, oh you see I had to wait for the plumber, mmm, headache, oh you see I think I pulled a muscle) but not those of the world of the mind, or the inner world (feeling sad, had a bad dream and woke up feeling melancholy so had to go sit in the sun a bit, grieving, not feeling up to idle chit chat with someone I don't really like today).

Was a lovely afternoon though, all beer garden and festival vibe and chat. Then walking through the still warm but just turning cool Saturday night, past girls in bare shoulders and party hair, and a quick detour to the office to get paperwork for Sunday few hours of work planned, then home to the housemates, to drink beer and hang out and watch a dvd, us all up for a quiet one, us all regrouping after busy weeks, a nice feeling of solidarity, of companionship.

Now today I have woken up feeling fresh and carrying that nice sore in the biceps and trapezoids (or some other muscle group in the arm and shoulder region sounding out near the milky way) and optimistic about getting through the work needed by tomorrow. Basketball was cancelled, which was great, giving me more time to work, and then a mid arvo girly afternoon tea and sewing plan with a friend from the 'hood. A 'study break' of sorts.

Enjoying peace and quiet.