thankyou anony mice commenter (and what I did Sunday)

That was a lovely lovely comment, and I will never whinge or weedle or whine about lack of comments again.
(Of course I may whinge and weedle and whine about all manner of other things - but not that!). Like this morning on the train when I was meant to be working and instead wrote this:

'Important
I don’t like the way that work is mean to pull rank over other things. Buy your time, buy your priorities. I am meant to care about certain things that, really, I find it hard to care about. In 5 years time this database will be buried, useless, it’s useless now really, and it hasn’t even finished gestating. I don’t get to decide day by day the best way to spend my time to best serve humanity, I am locked in to these little boxes of task and outcome, locked in even after the landscape changes and makes the tasks futile. What if being with somebody, being a friend or a daughter is a bigger priority today? What if my health suddenly pulls rank – and I need to buy fruit, exercise, lie in the sun watching leaves rustle in branches above me? What if I have a lovely idea that I could write up and share if only I wasn’t committed to filling in tiny squares on a screen with arbitrary numbers? What if I get excited by a community project and want to make something where there was nothing previously? How can an hour of me at my desk be worth more than an hour of conversation? Why will people pay me to do things that aren’t the best I can offer, but not to do what make my heart sing? Or maybe that’s not really their fault at all, after all my singing heart is my responsibility to protect and nurture and care for. Why do I except situations where I will do work that bores me just because I am being paid for it? Why don’t I find a way to do things I love?'

But now of course I think 'oh fuck it' - I do find time for things I love, I just don't love absolutely everything about my actual paying job, and hey maybe that's just reality. Maybe it's my zen challenge to see the good in the database, not wig out, find some kernal of usefulness, be grateful that I have things I can do for a crust...

Last night I stayed in and watched dvd's annd made a felt bag for my mum's special birthday (this coming weekend). It was effing fabulous, even if I do say so myself. Pink and greens with flowers (sounds crap, but somehow is groovy, trust me). Might take happy snap and post on making groovy things (see sidebar). So yes, felt making and watching Joss Wheedon's move Serenity (finally), and being a lap for my disgruntled cat, and eating vegetarian lasagne that I'd made, and generally being quite happy. I even had a drop by visit from a potential (ie wannnabe) suitor. Not sure how I feel about the drop by visit - think it kind of puts you at the disadvantage, when its someone you don't know that well. Everytime one happens I find myself thinking 'phew, lucky I was wearing clothes' or 'phew, lucky I wasn't doing anything really strange' when in fact I always wear clothes and have no idea what strange things I could have been doing - so really it's a funny kind of response I guess. Anyway, the drop by. I was polite and friendlyish, but not overly encouraging. I didn't even offer a beverage and you KNOW how hard that is for a nicely brought up girl from the less affluent end of a small town - man offering beverages is like the cardinal rule of hosptality - to not offer a beverage, several times over, is tantamount to shitting in the middle of someone's persian rug in terms of rudeness, but reallly I silenced the inner Grandma /Aunty and tried my best not to encourage the stay in any way shape or form. After all I was in my slipers and procrastinating about my database - I really didn't need disturbing. feel kind of pleased everytime I exert my actual wishes over politeness. Politeness is a particularly bad reason to start a relationship - even I know that.