Confer with me

Went to a conference these past few days.

Had a very surreal moment where during morning tea I approached a presenter and told him 'I really liked your presentation, it was really clear and told a good story', (because I think it's nice to be told, and good clear story telling should be lauded at conferences in the midst of impenetrable waffly ones). He thanked me and said he was so glad to hear it because he'd been nervous. He said he was worried because his presentation was about real examples. I was nodding and saying yes yes. Then he said 'I was almost going to use your organisation's work as an example - you know, talk about the use of rainwater tanks and the electricity needed for pumping and the trade offs between centralised and decentralised systems'. I nodded a little slower and then began to think 'FUUUCK! I have no idea if this is the guy I thought he was. I have no idea how rainwater tanks would have anything to do with the talk I thought I was talking about, which was about international agreements on climate change and biodiversity and wetlands, and how they're made, how they're administrated internationally. I felt my smile kind of wilt on my face as I kept nodding and saying vaguely supportive things whilst my mind raced 'is this the guy I thought it was? How much different can someone's face look up close compared to from the back of the room? Is it possible that nothing I've actually said to this guy makes any sense because in fact I didn't see his presentation? Why do all men in navy suits look the same? Why is his name badge obscured so that I can only glimpse its edge and can't check his name? What are the odds that the only time this conference I've gone up to thank a speaker after a session and I get the person wrong???'.

And really, what are your options in that situation?
- 'Oh excuse me, how embarrassing, I thought you were another speaker. I take I back. Your talk may or may not have been good, I don't know, I didn't see it. You just look so generic I couldn't really tell you apart from any other man here.'
- 'I have no idea why you are talking about rainwater tanks. Have you been taken over by aliens, you really are making no sense.'
- 'oh golly, I'd love to talk but I've just realised I have to dash. I know I approached you to talk, but I now have this very urgent, um, appointment, er. Goodbye'

I was very relieved when his colleague dragged him away for a meeting and I was left alone with my own bewildered mortification.

(Of course , now, and only now, I've figured out how his comment is relevant (I think it might have been about dams and the wetland agreements, and probably something that came up at the end of the session in question time after I'd left to catch another speaker elsewhere. But yesterday I had no such lucidity, and was at least 50% sure that I was speaking to the wrong person).

Other conference observations. Biscuits. I took fruit with me so I could have healthy snacks in the breaks but ended up bringing home two bruised kiwi fruit and a belly full of cookies. Sheesh.

Sexist old men who probably don't even know they are. 'Oh I'd like to come back to the young lady in the back who asked the earlier question'. Excuse me? Would you say 'the old man in the back'? Or would you just say 'I'd like to come back to the earlier question about activism?'. Young women are still such a minority in these suited academic gigs I must say that it's hard not to feel like a novelty. Older women too. And this at a conference where at least the plenary sessions were balanced by gender. I saw a younger woman present a co-authored piece written with a very well known acadamic and was so referential towards him in her talk, so quoting of him and flagging earlier work that I felt my skin crawl. For example (name's changed) 'Chris has done so much work in this field, I'm sure you're aware of Chris' typology. Chris of course has written numerous articles on this matter...' She has a PhD. She was doing a post-doc. She has years of research experience herself. She never once referred to 'my work' or 'my research has addressed'. It made my skin crawl slightly because I could see her being seen as 'Chris' research assistant' and I wanted her to stand that bit taller, speak with that bit more authority, claim her own agency and insights, and maybe because I feel like I've been in her skin before. It's hard if/when you've been socialised to make nice, to recognise other people contributions; but you are trying to work in a sector that is all about claiming your own, claiming expertise, making your own name.

Conference buddies. They make all the difference. Having a few familiar faces there who you have some kind of deeper connection with (ie don't need to be so formal with, know you like each other, can chat about things both more shallow or more deep than the topics being discussed) makes the space feel warmer and more hospitable. Makes breaks less hard work (avoiding death by mingling) and gives the experience some fun rather than just being a sensible serious banging together of brains - which no matter how clever the arguments.