all squeaky and zingy and relieved

Just had a presentation to give. Thought I'd tell you about it, because you know, the minutiae of life is interesting even when - especially when ? - it's typed. Had to give a presentation as part of the wrapping up of the small business for artists course I've been doing these last few months. We've had a bit of a break for the last month, which, in the freezing winter nights and fluoro lit venue I wasn't too sad about, but I really have enjoyed the people and getting to know them. Funny how even people you were intimidated by or wary of become friends with enough time and gestures of good will. And talks over cups of tea. And with some silliness and mutual terror at having to conjure a business plan, and a few boozy nights out thrown in the mix.
Anyway, gave my presentation. Which was OK, all up, but nerve wracking in the preparation because although a very small audience, and to people who I had already watched perform their highly powered and elfishly pointed presentations (in this way somewhat like being naked in front of people - somehow easier if you've seen them naked too), it felt very revealing. After all, I had to put pictures of my work on there (and here I am tempted to say 'of my "work"', to discredit the notion that my images are anywhere like actual artwork - see the degree of difficulty that this talk must have presented?). I felt aware of all the people there having more formal training than me, and of their clear and unabashed identification as painters or animators, while I scrabble around with half dreamt up notions of maybe doing things on fabric, or drawing, or printmaking, or maybe making t-shirts, or illustrating or something, in a zillion different ever changing styles, but always with a question mark at the end. And should I stand too close to someone who actually does one of these things, and seems more adept at it than me I have another title ready to pull out of my pocket, some more humble and obscure aspiration that doesn't seem questionable. If I aim really really low, it seems, there is very little chance of a bruise if I topple. Poor humpty dumpty me.
But, all that aside, it was fine. Some ideas and feedback, and a nice feeling of wrap up and camaraderie. And nice prospects of sharing ideas and skills and contacts, and emailing things, and invitations to other people's events. Nice.