We're not in kanzas anymore Toto

Head spins from the flash and relentless bustle as we taxi through oncoming traffic with nominal notion of lanes. Post-meeting I feel nauseous from too much input and crave just silence and time away from all this discussion, these nuanced, multitoned, round and round discussions. These personalities, multiple levels of meaning and intention. Miscommunication. Repetition.
After getting out of a taxi from the meeting I worry that I will literally throw up, it's certainly some kind of motion sickness, but maybe more to do with the movement in multiple directions of my thinking than my stomach. That I will never remember all these acronyms that slide off me. That I will be mute and awkward, without the styled fit-in-edness of the local women. That I will not hold up under the stare and interrogation of the Swiss German with the sensible overbite. I worry that I have nothing to offer and at the same time too much to offer – that by the time I come up with some insight of use to the project, something elegant and arced and finely crafted, that the trip will be over, and I will make my announcement to an empty room. That the conversation will be over and I will be standing saying ‘oh’.

Those are the bad moments.

The good bits are open windows and happy bustle at arms lenth, or just some kind of cheerful connection with colleagues. Getting from A to B without falling down a drain was my biggest accomplishment for the first week I was in KL; here I think the equivilent is being able to cross the road. Confidently. Without darting. Meaningful connections with local people? Funnily enough not a lot of that is forthcoming in between my dashes from breakfast to lobby to room to laptop to meeting to bed to lobby. Especially with my nonexistent Vietnamese (though I think I now have 'thankyou' downpat, a good start!). Luckily I am just an interloper, this project draws on the partnerships already established, committed local consultants and NGO's, good local projects, other foreigners based here. What we care doing seems reasonable, so at least I don't have major dissonance about that.